I've got an end to a story

I'm just missing a few sections in the beginning and middle and towards the end. But at least I have a beginning, a middle and an ending - of sorts. For now. Until I decide to delete or rip it apart.

I've already deleted a lot, deciding I didn't like it, even though I said I'd leave everything at first. I'm now on 9,000 words-ish.

"I come back into my room with his bottle of beer and see he’s eating a packet of crisps. He tells me he found them in a bag under my bed and that he hopes it’s alright. The funny thing is I don’t even remember picking up the fruit bowl and hitting him round the head with it several times until it shatters into pieces and the bowl breaks too."

"This is the first thing I have ever understood."

So I decided to change some details and settings for my blog and ended up loosing the majority of my posts in a long while, so I'm attempting to start again for this term.

For the last 8 weeks we've been looking at documentary form, the unconscious identity and the concept of self-reflexivity. The first four weeks were research based and I took this opportunity to incorporate my interest in philosophy and the fact that I was already reading some Nietzsche when looking into theories around "truth".

The concept behind the documentary, which was our practical unit for the second four weeks, was that it was meant to explore technology's effect on social change, and how it plays into the way we construct our identity.

I decided to focus this topic on musicians. As I thought it would be interesting to delve into how bands and artists construct their identity, especially as music is already such a significant interest of mine. I also thought this would be an effective way to implement my idea of building a showcase website for bands (that I've briefly discussed before) in some way or another. I decided to make short films focusing on each individual band I met as a test run for my website idea, as well as making the documentary project, which, I believed, would all work well together and accompany the website effectively.

However, I think I may have been a little over-ambitious here and that my focus on the website may have detracted my attention from making the documentary solid as a stand alone piece.

I decided - rather ambitiously and stubbornly - to work by myself this term, rather than in a group. This was mostly due to poor experiences in groups in the past, but also because my role has tended to be mostly technical in recent projects. I've been focusing on realising other peoples ideas or at least co-producing concepts, and not giving enough input to the core concepts myself, so I wanted to put the pressure on myself this time to produce something entirely of my own.

It turns out this wasn't exactly the best idea. Traipsing to and around London by myself with all my camera and sound equipment, a laptop, notepad and two hard-drives, wasn't exactly easy, especially when it came to getting quality video and decent sound and lighting.

I also decided not to involve any friends that are musicians - not at this stage anyway - to not use any contacts I already had and to try my best to get in touch with as many decent bands as possible. I ended up with three, very talented bands, an independent record store, a recording studio/band manager and a guy called David Balfe, an extremely successful musician/producer/manager/record label/A&R man/rights publisher/music video director - just about every aspect of the industry you could name.

I was attempting to get in touch with a musician called Derek Meins (aka the Agitator) and accidentally got the attention of David, who contacted me and kindly offered to be involved with the doc. He very modestly told me to Wikipedia his name and see if I thought his opinion would be of any value to me. I was sort of in shock when I found out he was a musician in the 80's, playing in the Teardrop Explodes and (one of my favourite bands) Echo and the Bunnymen. He also managed both bands and started his own record label to release them though - producing 'Crocodiles' (an album that I highly regard as a huge influence on me and the entire Alt Rock music scene spanning the last few decades) along the way.

He later went on to sign Blur - his biggest success - as well as convincing them to change their name from Seymour and managing them until he decided to retire into a very big house in the country, inspiring Blur to pen the Battle-of-Brit-Pop-defining song 'Country House'.

David was kind enough to agree to an interview, and even drove me out to his home (the same country house), made me sandwiches and allowed me to interview him in his kitchen. This was a hugely valuable experience for me, definitely making the whole project worth it, if for no other reason. He was an extremely generous, enthusiastic and passionate person, and had very interesting opinions and insights into the industry.

I spent two weeks filming and interviewing people and then came back to Falmouth for the final week and a half to edit.

The first cut of the doc I was relatively happy with, it was structured in three sections, one introducing each character and beginning to explore what they saw as the 'philosophy' behind music, then delving into their own opinions of how bands build an identity and image - both consciously and subconsciously - and finally discussing how the advent of new digital technologies (with particular focus on Myspace and Facebook has changed this for the better or worse). This cut, however, was twenty-one minutes long, eleven minutes over the specified limit.

Cutting it down to time was a struggle, the end result was a flat and relatively dull documentary that didn't have much of an exploration. It also meant I'd cut out most of the illustrative, cutaway footage of the bands (the most visually pleasing parts), and was left with a lot of 'talking heads' style interviews - something which I'd specifically claimed I would avoid at all costs during pre-production.

I showed the cut to my lecturers two days before the deadline and they weren't particularly impressed, suggesting I have a think and attempt to begin the edit again from a more radical perspective, putting more of myself and my opinions and bias into the piece rather than attempting to be purely observational and letting the characters speak for themselves. They wanted me to highlight, utilise and explore the contradictions and paradoxical elements behind a musician claiming to be natural and unmoved by fashion or image-consciousness when clearly they are entirely built on an image - be it an unconscious one of whether they are fully aware of it.

And the frustrating part is that I didn't disagree with what my tutors were saying. I'd attempted to tackle the documentary as something that coincides with the brief, but also as something that accompanies the website that I wanted to start, and I think those two motivations conflicted. I ended up shooting footage that was too much to do with my concept for the website, that when editing together a documentary for my degree I did end up with something flat and uninteresting as a stand alone piece. I also struggled with taking advantage of the trust these people had invested in me in order to basically mock them - this felt uncomfortable, but was a more entertaining result than the original version.

I ended up struggling to re-edit it and resulted in handing in two unfinished versions, with the intention of the original being my final hand-in if I had to choose. Ultimately, I was pretty frustrated and dissatisfied with this.

In terms of for the site, I'm still reasonably confident I can re-edit the footage into several shorter clips, including all the cut footage that I liked myself, but was irrelevant to the brief for the course, in order to make several short and more focused videos.

As for the website itself, I'm putting a lot of effort into learning the basics behind the layout and design of the site. I'm still not exactly understanding everything that goes on with the coding, but I'm getting a better grasp over it with time and I'm starting to do more simple things myself, like adding a comments section to the artists page so visitors can leave messages, and repositioning all the images. It's all up and running online, but I'm still yet to edit the videos for the three bands that I've shot and there's a lot more work to do on the site before I want to start spreading it properly. At the moment there's only rough-cut videos up for the sake of a prototype.

I'm also still unsure about the name. Taking influence from a solo artist I've been working with in the studio here in Tremough, I thought 'Music and Money' would be suitable for a site that attempts to explore the motivation behind music - after one of his songs we recorded with two mics, an old 3/4 size guitar and in one take. But 'Music and Money' was already taken, so I settled with 'Music or Money', a different implication altogether, but relevant nonetheless. So this is the site URL for now:

www.musicormoney.co.uk

I haven't been using the recording studio as much as I'd like to this term, the work load in the second year is definitely a contrast and I've found myself with a lot less free time. Hopefully I'll be doing some sessions with at least one artist before the holidays, and I'm determined to find myself some Dartington students to start working with at the beginning of next year.

I've also been working on a framework for a short story to pass time occasionally. I've come up with something I think I like, a sort of beginning, middle and end, and I'm starting to build on it when I get a chance. At the moment it's about 8,500 words long and I'm aiming to get a complete narrative of between 10 and 15,000 words - mainly because I never actually finish anything. I've decided if I don't worry about length, and just focus on a finished structure of a story. I can decide to leave it or build on it as I please.

The first line is: "This is the first thing I have ever understood."

'Inception'

I literally can't remember the last time I saw a decent film at the cinema, let alone the last time I looked forward to seeing one. I've been following the production of 'Inception' since its very early stages, as I've followed the career of Christopher Nolan closely after loving both 'Memento' and 'Batman Begins'. He went on the make 'the Prestige' and, obviously, 'the Dark Knight', giving him - in both my opinion and near-undisputed fact - one of the most impressive track records of directors in recent film history. Not one of his seven films has failed to impress, both critically and commercially, and even his remake of the Norwegian film 'Insomnia' - his weakest film yet - was a strong effort.

His films all display the many attributes of his rare talent. He's worked on all his films with his wife Emma Thomas and Wally Pfister acting as Producer and Director of Photography, respectfully, and often collaborates with his brother, Jonathon Nolan on his scripts. He displays a knack for post-modern narrative, effective ensemble casting of huge talent, and the ability to pull the best performances out of his actors.

After the success of 'the Dark Knight', Warner practically gave him free roam with a $200 million budget to develop a script he'd been working on for over 12 years. He put together an incredible ensemble cast and filmed in over 7 different countries in order to make his genre-bending "heist" film 'Inception', "set within the architecture of the mind".

But, aside from all the details and the fact that Nolan has become one of my favourite directors in his relatively short career, the hype around this film can mainly come the fact that this is the first big summer blockbuster (I can think of) in years that is not a sequel/remake/reboot/adaptation, but instead a truly original script.

Dublin

I haven't used my blog in nearly a month now that term's finished, but I don't think this is due to lack of motivation since I went home for summer, it's due to lack of inspiration. For some reason I keep forgetting how dull and uninspiring Chichester can be as a home town, especially being here for a stretch as long as 3 months. I'm quite fortunate to have friends in Brighton I can escape to frequently and my dad's place in London that often stops me from going mad. But this week I grew increasingly frustrated at home and decided to escape for a bit. So, at around 3am after a (quite dull) night out, I booked a ticket to Dublin by myself to return in five days.

I've been here three days now it it's turned out to be the best decision I've made in a very long time. Being part Irish and never having been to Dublin I felt it was the obvious choice in destination - granted, I didn't quite realise just how expensive it can be, 5 euro for a pint being a cheap deal. It's a great city full of really interesting buildings and structures and I've managed to start reading and writing a lot again (of which I was doing nothing at home), meet lots of new people and just feel more relaxed in general. I'm staying in a hostel right in the centre of town and spent the last two nights on pub crawls with a group of 30-year old, ultra-conservative American frat-brothers from Ohio and New Mexico who are on a reunion.

I've been reading two books, one a background to British Politics and the other called 'the Black Swan: the impact of the highly improbable', a theory put forward by Nassim Nicholas Taleb about the logic behind randomness and uncertainty and how we deal with events. I really like his ideas about things becoming 'predictable' only after they occur, and his thoughts about man's great ability/determination to apply logic to rare, unpredictable events afterwards in order to make it seem as if they could have been easily foreseen. I will write more about this once I've finished the book.

'West Wing'

Watching one two minute clip of 'the West Wing' only makes me want to re-watch the entire 112 hours. My favourite TV series ever, combining intelligence, comedy, brilliant acting and writing and amazing direction of photography. Every single character of the quite large ensemble cast is amazing. Here's one clip demonstrating this.

Future Ideas

Coming towards the end of term and the end of my first year of this degree, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the future. I've been uncertain about what career I may want to eventually enter into for a very long time and I still maintain this uncertainty. My interest in music production is starting to become more of a fascination and a passion, the hours of effort I dedicate to learning about it and practising it don't feel like work and it doesn't feel like a hobby and I'm starting to think it could possibly start developing into a skill - although I'll be very hard on myself before I reach that point.

However, I still maintain my passion for film and my interest in writing. I don't feel ready to concentrate all my creative thoughts onto one specialism and I also don't think it's necessary. Although I have decided that, for now, I want to integrate music, in one form or another, into as much of my degree work as possible. And I've been thinking about things I want to attempt next year.

I know one of the modules next year involves documentary, so I'm attempting to put together plans to create a music documentary and see how feasible this idea will be. Hopefully I'll know more before the summer and can plan it properly then. I have an accessible band in mind who would make an interesting subject and I would be able to get access and interviews with quite a few industry professionals and other, established bands if it worked out. However, all this rests on what my course dictates in terms of whether I'd be able to take on a project by myself or in a small group rather than a group of 4 or 5 and whether it's possible for me to travel to Brighton and London for a period of time to complete the bulk of the filming and production.

I'm also thinking more seriously about creating a website for artists to showcase videos of their songs, but with a few "obstructions" (taking influence from the work in our second term based on Lars von Trier's method of obstructing the creative process with various rules). These rules would be something along the lines of; the song must be a 'live' performance and not be pre-recorded and must be performed in an area not accustomed to musical performances - interpreted as you wish. This could mean filmed in HD or on a handycam, or even on a mobile phone anywhere from in a kitchen to on a bus or in a lift (inspired by Vincent Moon and the previously mentioned Blogotheque, and the concept of 'Guerilla perfomances'.) This is something I really want to have a stab at.

The main problem here - I know nothing about web-design. So this week I've got myself a copy of Dreamweaver CS4, a copy of 'Dreamweaver CS4 for Dummies' and some time with a Technical Instructor at Uni next week to start showing me the basics.

I want to do this!

I've recently come across a foreign website called: Blogotheque. The basic concept is there're dozens (maybe hundreds) of well established musicians/bands/songwriters, an amazing selection, that all have videos made where they're asked/made to perform songs in unusual and/or uncomfortable places. Like on top of railway bridges, squashed in a lift, or whilst walking down a busy street. They call these 'Take-Away Shows" and they're all filmed cheaply and quickly and mostly in one take, proper guerrilla style.

I was happy to find out that the mastermind behind the idea was Vincent Moon, a name I was familiar with from a music-documentary of Arcade Fire called 'Miroir Noir', a very unusual and inspiring documentary following the band through both the recording and touring process. Moon shoots and directs lots of independent music-based films as well as lots of music videos for a lot of bands I love from the Alt. Rock ("Indie" - in its true sense) genre.

I've been trying to come up with a solid idea of a project to set myself this summer. Initially I was leaning towards a straightforward documentary following my friends band that are doing fairly well for themselves at the moment. But I've always been drawn to the concept of both guerrilla filming and guerrilla gigs and I'm really keen to take influence from this and make use of the massive quantities of quality musicians I know back home in Brighton and maybe create a digital network incorporating loads of mini videos. Perhaps beginning by making them myself and then allowing people to add their own.

'Outliers'

For my birthday my dad bought me three books. The first I've already started reading, is the latest from Malcolm Gladwell. I enjoyed 'Blink' so much I'd go straight onto this one before the work of another author.

'Blink' went on to discuss the mechanics of emotion and how the muscles of the face's reaction to a feeling, displaying emotion, is linked to the bodies reaction and how if a person manipulates those muscles, effectively recreating the combination of movements that form the facial expression displaying anger, the body will react as if the person is actually angry, ie. their heart rate will increase and palms will sweat, the person will grow disorientated and find it harder to think rationally. Similarly, if a person watches a comedy with a pencil between their teeth, prohibiting their muscles from forming a smile, the person will react differently to normal, finding it less funny.

It also discussed the workings of Autistic minds, "mind-reading" (forming and reading facial expressions) and the theory of the state of 'arousal'. Using policemen as examples, Gladwell talks about the rush of adrenaline in vital situations when your heart rate increases, causing your brain to shut down and block out what it deems unnecessary information. During this state of arousal, a police officer can block out surrounding noise/gunfire, focus onto people or objects with enhanced vision and experience a slow-down of time. However, if the arousal increases, so does the heart-rate and brain's reaction, which can shut down so many parts of your brain that you can become effectively useless, even to the point of having no control over your body, unintentionally voiding your bowels and not being able to move or act.

His next book, 'Outliers', tackles the circumstances of success, "changing the way we think about what makes us unique". The first few chapters are dedicated to introducing how he's going to achieve this, beginning with 'proving' how what month you're born in proves vital to your success as an sportsman. Gladwell claimes that this 'evidence' "tells us that our notion that it is the best and the brightest who effortlessly rise to the top is much too simplistic."

Again, it's a very innovative and original idea, using other peoples work, theory and discoveries to build on and strengthen his own.

I particularly like a quote from 'the Times' on the back of this book. "He is the best kind of writer - the kind who makes you feel like you're a genius, rather than that he's a genius."

More Recording Studio Practise

Last week I recorded the drums for the Audio track we're using in our Music Video project, which I need to finish mixing this week. I also recorded two acoustic artists, also students at Falmouth in the hour I had spare. I've uploaded the audio for two of the tracks (rough-mixes) with a picture of my drum set-up as it's easier to upload video than audio.

Both recordings are intended as demo's so the artist can then work on what they want out of the track, so I can then experiment with different microphones/sounds to suit their ideas as well as working on multi-tracking and harmonies and maybe some extra instrumentation, in a full session in the next few weeks.

Simon Boult - 'Blood'



Aimee Wright

Writing Excerpts

“I haven’t been dreaming lately.”

“What do you think that means?”

I tell her I don't know, but I think I do.

************

None of this shakes me like it used to, not even the hand on my knee – it’s not even there. None of this seems like it matters anymore. What does any of this achieve? The room is dark and dusty and the sofa I sit on is of little comfort. The place is crowded and people drift past me, I don’t even hear the clunk of their shoes and their stumbling across the floorboards. They travel awkwardly and loudly but it doesn’t phase me, not as long as this hand is upon me.

I feel like I feel when there’s nothing left.

One hand holding but the other does nothing.

************

“I don’t know.” I say monotonously, dully, unanimated, lifeless. “I don’t know,” I mumble, and again; “I don’t know.”

Inside I’m screaming. Inside I’m crying. Inside I’m apologising. Begging her. Praying.

************

It doesn’t actually take an apology to keep Liz happy, but instead something much worse. When I see her next she embraces me and doesn’t let go for what feels like an age, and she cries. She grips my back and I do my best to return the favour with equal force but I feel like I’m holding onto nothing. And when I kiss her, her lips seem solid and cold and taste of nothing but skin, only more bitter. And when I wake up with her loving arms around me, I wake up alone.

“I wish we could just stay in bed forever.” She tells me and then sighs, pathetically.

What do I wish for? A shorter tomorrow.

************

I look towards Pat. He says nothing. I just want him to notice. My eyes are red and swollen, my cheeks are wet and my hands are shaking, but this is just as visible to him as the blood running down my leg underneath my jeans. He says nothing.

Photography exhibit - Anton Corbijn

Last week I went to an exhibition of my flatmates and a few other people's photography in a small cafe in Falmouth. It was interesting for me because I have little knowledge of photography and can only appreciate it to an extent, except her project was to take inspiration from the photography of Anton Corbijn, one of the few photographers whose work I'm actually familiar with for his decades of extremely influential work in music. He also recently directed 'Control', his first feature film, a biopic about Ian Curtis, singer of 'Division' - a great film about a band I really admire.

I have a book called 'Star Trak' that's a compilation of Corbijn's best work with hundreds of legendary musicians that I went through with my flatmate whilst she was doing the project, and it's one of the main influences of my interest in directing music documentaries. This summer I'm planning on making a documentary based around my friends Brighton-based band, chronicling a short tour and the recording of an EP that I'll also be helping to produce/engineer.

Here's an example of one of the photographs from the exhibit and then one of Corbijn's photos of Tom Waits.

Corbijn's work is almost always in black and white and - fittingly, as he works mostly with musicians - generally focuses on the representation of the ego. Masculinity is another theme he commonly explores. I feel my flatmate encapsulated those themes, along with the representation of a teenagers feeling of invulnerability and discovery of masculinity - no darkness falls on him. This photo of Tom Waits above is a good example of Corbijn's work as Waits, arguably, works hard to maintain his enigmatic persona that compliments his distinctive, gruff vocals and seedy, borderline-distasteful lyrics. This photo reflects that well, with his casual, yet closed-off posture and almost threatening stare. He's also the sole subject of the photo, in contrast to one of Corbijn's more current/iconic images of Sam Riley's portrayal of Ian Curtis (of Joy Division fame) in Corbijn's directorial début, 'Control'.

Here he presents all Curtis's naivety, insecurity, curiosity, fear and sense of rebellion/displacement towards society, looking backwards with his rucksack and cigarette and a sense of uncertainty, before heading out towards the seemingly-daunting city of Manchester, which symbolises all of the outside world, adulthood and his own future.

I see Curtis as a true existentialist. Someone that really struggled to find his place in a world he didn't believe in, someone that didn't see any sense in living with the "absurdity" (in Camus' philosophical sense of the word) of a faithless life. And (with Camus' words, as mentioned in a previous post) "judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy", Curtis found his solace in suicide.

'There Will Be Blood'

Finally got around to watching 'There Will Be Blood', despite owning it for a while now. Very good film. This quickly became one of my favourite scenes.

'Blink'

I'm now reading Malcolm Gladwell's 'Blink - The Power of Thinking Without Thinking' and although I think it's really interesting and I'm really enjoying reading it, initially I had a feeling of uncertainty about his arguments.

The concept is that before our conscious has even had time to analyse situations (meaning anything from first impressions of a new person, to the method behind a card scam, to whether a work of art is a fake), our unconscious has already made a snap judgment that, Gladwell argues, is often much more accurate or sensible. This is also what happens when someone feels a 'hunch' or leaps to a decision, our unconscious has already made a decision we're not actually aware of. This is what Gladwell refers to as 'thin-slicing'. Likewise, 'thick-slicing' is when our mind take the full situation and all it's details into account. Gladwell argues that, when 'thin-slicing', our unconscious throws out all irrelevant details and information, and therefore makes a far more rational conclusion. He goes on to argue the power of the first impression/hunch. All really interesting and, to me, entirely feasible. It's something I buy completely, and the examples and experiments that he details are fascinating.

Where the feeling of discomfort began to grow, Galdwell then writes about his time spent with psychologist John Gottmon. In a method far too long, advanced (and interesting) to explain here, Gottmon has "perfected" his study of married couples and, with an apparent 95% accuracy, can predict the success or failure of the marriage's future just by analysing one 15 minute conversation between any couple, and is convinced the same accuracy can be applied to just a 3 minute segment of that 15.

I soon realised the problem I had at this stage is not that I don't believe this is feasible, it's that I don't want to believe this is feasible. But in the end I have no argument as to why it shouldn't be. Gladwell gives enough information and fact atop of his theory to remove any immediate rejection I had.

He then goes on to apply his 'thin-slicing' theory to subconscious biases of race and age and even height that we are completely unaware of. Something that sounds typical, rudimentary and not exactly original. But he doesn't just discuss and describe them, assuring you they're there, as has been implied in psychology so many times before. He shares methods and research and actually involves the reader, revealing to you that these subconscious biases do actually exist. Which, to someone that sees themselves as being entirely unbiased (like myself and presumably the majority of society) is actually quite disturbing.

Constantly borrowing from various other studies that he's spent years researching and involving himself in to back up and further his theory, there's something unsettling and at the same time brilliant about the way he manages to open you up and actually reveal these things, convincing the reader that this is something more than just theory.

Even as someone extremely interested in the idea of the unconscious and subconscious thought/actions, I'd like to believe against the idea that you can get a better impression of someone without actually speaking to them, or that the survival of a marriage can be predicted in such a short space of time (I actually have a bit of a reservation about the idea of marriage as a whole, I find it slightly unnatural and don't exactly have a lot of faith in its survival rate anyway), and I'd love to be able to say I wouldn't even consider the fact that I harbour any kind of bias, be it racial/sexual or otherwise. But this book is so revealing and so effective (so far) and I've found that the reason I was initially dubious is because the theory is so relevant to me (in the same way as it would be to any other reader) and really does make you question yourself as well as tear apart the accuracy behind peoples descriptions or constructions of themselves. It can feel extremely disconcerting.

I'm really getting quite taken in with this book. I'm really impressed with the originality of the thought and the amount of effort, research and fact that's gone into the writing. I was curious about whether any contemporary psychological theory could really stand by itself against all the classic, established theories. Gladwell's managed to put forward an original idea that builds on the idea of the unconscious (here with the theory of 'the locked door' within the mind) without relying on Jung or anyone else's work to provide a backbone to his thinking.

Green Screen/Grey Screen work

Yesterday we completed our second shoot on the Grey Screen in the 'Virtual Reality' room on campus. It was really fun attempting to turn Si into a puppet and he was really cooperative and patient, having to stand in the same spot attached to the ceiling by strings for a few hours.

Creative Writing - 'Six Different Ways'

A few years ago I became determined to actually follow through with a creative idea and finish a piece of writing I'd started. This came from the realisation that, at the age of 17, I was nearly beyond the point that someone, in the future, could look back at something I'd finished and be impressed that I'd completed it at such a young age. The way I see it, completing something before or around the age of 18 is the only way people really view it as an accomplishment nowadays, seeing as the injection of work has now become so increased and so diluted.

Although admittedly it's little more than a teenage melodrama, I wrote it with layers of Analytical/Jungian Psychology in mind, particularly that of the Shadow, and titled it 'Six Different Ways', after the Cure song of the same name that inspired some of its themes.

"This was a bad idea. I’ve given away everything I ever wanted. I feel lost, now more than ever. I feel shit. I feel rotten, decayed. More than anything; I feel alone.
And the shadow’s asking me: Why are you stopping already? Is that the most damage you can do?"

The subject of the Shadow-self, or the Unconscious, has been explored numerous times in television, film and literature.

The Shadow is the part of the psyche that contains the (usually darker) impulses and instincts that the mind tends to repress. It tends to project itself to the conscious through dreams and interestingly is also where the creative aspect of the mind lies, and is usually personified as a character's apathy or distaste towards the rest of society.

The TV series 'Dexter' (that I discovered after I started writing Six Different Ways), deals with a character tormented by his repressed childhood, and struggles to contain his Shadow-self (referred to as his 'dark passenger'), that presents itself in his dreams and his impulsive instinct to kill.

'American Psycho', both the book written by Bret Easton Ellis (who I keep mentioning here) and the film starring Christian Bale (one of my favourite actors), follow a character entirely apathetic and nihilistic, acting solely under the influence of his Unconscious and fighting to find a balance between it and his 'mask' (/ his "false outward projection").

Another interesting example in popular culture is Batman. Bruce Wayne creates the superficial playboy image as the false outward projection of himself to present to society. He also creates Batman, the 'mask' who represents Wayne's Unconscious, allowing him to act out his repressed instincts that society would generally reject as immoral. The third aspect is Wayne as himself, when he's not pretending, that he keeps concealed from everyone apart from possibly his butler, his sole confidant. The interesting part here is determining which is the 'real' Bruce Wayne.

Suffice to say that I didn't ever finish it, despite reaching 59,000 words and over 10,000 words of other notes/ideas. I'm not sure sticking with an idea just for the sake of rushing was the best idea, but I'm still slightly attached to the piece and keep coming back to edit bits of it, although I'm not proud of the overall thing. One day, maybe this Summer, I will tackle another edit and create a complete draft.

My favourite passage

One of my favourite passages of literature, from 'Less Than Zero' by Bret Easton Ellis (mentioned in my previous post):

'Where are we going?' I asked.
'I don't know,' he said. 'Just driving.'
'But this road doesn't go anywhere,' I told him.
'That doesn't matter.'
'What does?' I asked, after a little while.
'Just that we're on it, dude,' he said.

And the only one I can ever manage to remember by heart:

"The only way to resist temptation is to yeild it. Resist it and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden itself."

Oscar Wilde, 'the Picture of Dorian Gray'

'the Outsider'

I'm nearly done reading Camus' 'The Outsider', not difficult as it's a short novel and a hell of a lot easier to read than 'the Myth of Sisyphus'. It's a really fascinating read and I'm starting to see a lot of similarities between it and 'Less Than Zero', one of my favourite books, and the writing of Bret Easton Ellis as a whole.

The most interesting thing, however is the differences between the two. In 'the Outsider', it's the main character that's apathetic, acting without thought or feelings, and in turn is condemed for it by the rest of society. In 'Less than Zero', it's every character that suffers the nihalism, and no one has enough remaining humanity to condemn.

The way I see this, it was the 43 year gap between both novel's publication (1942 and 1985-the so-called 'MTV Generation') that saw the decline in society's humanity and compassion. Camus wrote a warning, Ellis wrote an affirmation.

Two 'Outsider' quotes I like so far:

"When she laughed, I fancied here again. A minute later she asked me if I loved her. I told her that it didn't mean anything but that I didn't think so. She looked sad. But as we were getting lunch ready, and for no apparent reason, she laughed again, and so i kissed her."

"The trigger gave. I felt the underside of the polished butt and it was there, in that sharp but deafening noise that it all started. I shook off the sweat and the sun. I realised that I'd destroyed the balance of the day and the perfect silence of this beach where I'd been happy. And I fired four more times at a lifeless body and the bullets sank in without leaving a mark. And it was like giving four sharp knocks at the door of unhappiness."

My Notebook

Here's a scan of my notebook that shows the sort of notes I make whilst planning the tracklaying of a recording in the studio. I tend to do this before most sessions to help decide between different microphones and methods, and it then makes setting up quicker and easier once the session starts. I mostly do this for drums, when I'm recording more than one instrument at once, or when I'm using multiple mic's for one instrument. I then make similar notes as a definitive list whilst setting up so I know exactly what I've done.

Learning from experience, it's vital to make a note of what mic is plugged into which channel and what it's miking up, I even sometimes have to note what position it's in or if I used any particular techniques. This way I can easily re-mic an instrument or kit and achieve the same sound as in a previous session. And when things don't work or go wrong whilst recording (which they often do) it's so much easier to troubleshoot and figure out where the problem's coming from.

I bought a new notebook to start this term, rather than just writing these on scraps of paper every time I want to compile it all in one place. One so it's more organsised, two so I actually have something to show for what I do with my time.

Branching Out

Following my post about 'Network' below, you'll probably realise over time that most films I decide to watch or books I decide to read (mainly older ones) are linked to works I'm already influenced by (usually more contemporary ones), either by being something that influenced it or something referenced within. This is how I discover most new things, by branching out from other works and the interests of my favourite writers and directors and who inspired them. Although it does make me slightly cautious about not becoming too narrow minded in terms of my interest in genre or subject matter, I always know I'll find something interesting this way.

The works I'm interested usually lend themselves to this quite well anyway. I like reading social-satire novels, such as 'Less Than Zero' by Bret Easton Ellis or 'Survivor' by Chuck Palahniuk, and satire is always heavily linked by similarities to other satire as well as plenty of philosophy and psychology that I can then read up on. And film, particuarly independant film, tends to do the same by either heavily referencing literature/other film or by physically having them as background Mis en Scene. Two examples of this are Dostovesky's 'the Idiot' on Trevor's desk in 'the Machinist' and a nihalistic character reading Camus 'the Myth of Sisyphus' in 'Manic', both books I've gone on to read and love. (This is how I discovered both Analytical psychology and Existential philosophy a few years ago, my two main interests when it comes to human behaviour/beliefs).

'Network' meltdown

This week I decided to watch 'Network', a 1976 Oscar winning American satire about a fictional TV network. I came across it while rewatching 'Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip' and noticing many heavy references in the pilot episode. 'Studio 60' is a series written by Aaron Sorkin, one of my favourite writers and the only writer whos work I really admire in television for his work on 'the West Wing' - possibly my most favourite TV show.

'Studio 60' was also about a fictional TV network and only aired for one season in 2006, even though it was the best TV programme I'd seen in years, despite being slightly weak in the middle of the season.

Here's a clip showing an Executive Producer's on-screen meltdown, clearly influenced by a similar scene in 'Network'. I'd really recommend checking the first episode out. It's extremely well done, and a fascinating insight into the workings of a large TV show and national television network.



And here's the scene from 'Network'

Songs That Saved Your Life

Today I bought a book called 'Songs That Saved Your Life', taken from a Morrissey lyric in the Smiths song 'Rubber Ring'. It's an in-depth study of the influence behind and production of every Smiths song ever recorded, chronologically detailing their musical development. Great for someone interested in the Smiths, music production in general, or specifically Alt. Rock/Post-Punk. Ie; Ideal for me.

"Don't forget the songs
That made you smile
And the songs that made you cry
When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said : "Oh, oh, smother me Mother..."
No ...
Rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring, rubber ring
La ..."

Céleste Boursier-Mougenot Exhibit

My dad lives in the Barbican Centre in London, it's the largest Performing Arts centre in Europe and always has various concerts/operas/plays/exhibits on. The one I went to see over easter was - as well as being relevant to our project this term - easily the best I've seen so far, the promo video barely does it justice.

It was in a big, white exhibition hall - a huge space - completely empty apart from patches of grass on the floor and about fifteen electric guitars and basses stood horizontally, hooked up to PA systems, accompanied by at least 30 or 40 little birds (don't know what they were) that settled into the hall as their home. Without encouragement, they would collect twigs from the corner of the room and begin building nests on the guitars or feeding off them, and as they did, they'd unintentionally play the strings, creating music/noise. The other part of the charm was that the birds would fly amoungst you from guitar to guitar, occasionally landing on your shoulder or bag, or on your head...

Current Reading

After posting at length about my choice of future books, I thought I'd cover what I'm currently reading, despite it not exactly relating to the course/project.

I'm currently reading two books. 'Tales of the Script' a book of compiled from interviews with 50 "hollywood" screenwriters discussing their role in the industry, methods and rise to success, an intesting insight.

The other, 'Whoops! Why Everyone Owes Everyone and No One Can Pay' by John Lanchester, is a humorous and emotional non-fiction novel who's protaganist is the Global Economy. Describing each step of the recent financial crisis in a way both entertaining and informative as well as comprehensible (although I will have to read it twice), as well as attacking the "madness" of modern Capitalism, it's a really interesting insight into economics. I'll include a section from page 15, relevant due to the current threat of a conservative-lead government:

"With the fall of the Berlin Wall, capitalism began a victory party that ran for almost two decades. Capitalism is not inherintly fair: it does not, in and of itself, distribute the rewards of economic growth equitably. Instead, it runs on the bases of winner takes all and to them that hath shall be given. For several decades after the second world war the western liberal democracies devoted themselves to the question of how to harness capitalism's potential for economic growth to the political imperative to provide better lives for ordinary people. The jet engine of capitalism was harnessed to the ox cart of social justice... [The] effect was that the western liberal democracies became the most admirable societies that the world has ever seen... Then the Wall came down, and to various extents the governments of the west began to abandon the social-justice aspect of the general post-war project. The jet engine was unhooked from the ox cart and allowed to roar off at its own speed. The result was an unprecedented boom, which had two big things wrong with it; it wasn't fair, and it wasn't sustainable."

Individual Reading

I've been trying to consider which theoreticians/psychologists/philosophers to read up on next and what area's I'm interested in.

At first I was tempted to just expand on interests/narrow understandings I already have, rather than tackle something new. My first priority was Existentialism and the concept of the "absurd", mainly due to my recent decision to reread Albert Camus 'The Myth of Sisyphus', which I read a year or two ago and (what I understood of it) found fascinating.

Camus claimed that "There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy." He went on to compare living a life with no religious obligation to the existence of the mythical Sisyphus, condemned for eternity to push a rock up a mountain, only for the rock to roll back down and his task to be repeated.

So, as well as re-reading the essay, I ordered 'The Outsider', his first novel, where "Camus explores the predicament of the individual who refuses to pretend and is prepared to face the indifference of the universe, courageously and alone."

Along with this, I decide to read something entirely new to me and I thought I would try some form of modern psychology. I decided on a book by Malcom Gladwell, suggested by my dad, called 'Blink - The Power of Thinking Without Thinking'. As a sufferer of procrastination and over-thinking, I thought the synopsis sounded ideal:

"[Blink] explores the extraordinarily perceptive and deceptive power of the sub-conscious mind. Gladwell’s major claim is that decisions made very quickly can be every bit as good as a decision made cautiously and deliberately. What we are actually doing is what Gladwell calls ‘thin-slicing’. When we leap to a decision or have a hunch our unconscious is sifting through the situation in front of us looking for a pattern, throwing out the irrelevant information and zeroing in on what really matters. Our unconscious mind is so good at this that it often delivers a better answer than more deliberate and protracted ways of thinking."

So these will be the next two books I concentrate on once I finish my current two. However, I also ordered Carl Jung's 'The Undiscovered Self', which I see as slightly overdue, as Analytical Psychology was one of the first strands of psychology I was ever interested in and Jung's ideas of the unconscious, the shadow, individuation and self-realisation are the backbone to some of my favourite works of literature, film and TV, and even a lot of my own writing.

Project Pre-Production - 'the Si Holmes Band'

Last night our production group went to Newquay to watch the band/artist we're using for our project play live: Si Holmes. It was definitely useful to hear the full band version of the song we've chosen, in contrast to the acoustic demo he gave us last week.

We're recording the track on Wednesday in order to create an interactive video to accompany it, so I'm making as many notes as possible, breaking down the song's structure and intrumentation and coming up with a few ideas of how to layer the song and any ideas I'd like to discuss or try out.

I've also been looking through my old books for any tips or new ideas. Especially as the song (entitled 'Africa') has an African feel to it, which is something Si want's to experiment with during production, so I'm looking up on recording and mixing any instruments or percussion types that I haven't recorded before, eg Bongos and the like.

There are three of my books I usually consult before (and during, and after) the recording process; 'The Recording Engineer's Handbook', 'The Mixing Engineer's Handbook' and the 'Pro Tools 8 - Music Production, Recording, Editing and Mixing' handbook. The first two are great for tips and advise on how to record practically every instrument and how to achieve the sound you want, and the latter is useful for executing the process well, especially as I still have a lot to learn about Pro Tools. There's also Wikirecording.org, a really useful site containing masses helpful information that's always good for inspiration/experimentation.

The backbone of the band is relatively straightforward though, just drums, one guitar, bass and the vocals. I've already begun listing and annotating the recording process I'll use for each one, what microphones I'll use and in what position. The most difficult part that's much harder to prepare for is how we're going to finalise the stucture of the song, what other instrumentation or percussion we're going to include and what effects or production techniques we might decide to experiment with, all things that happen in the studio during the production process, mostly due to impusive experimentation (and short attention spans).

Recording Studio practise

Here's a link to the when I dragged my flatmate into the recording studio last term. The audio's a bit quiet though, didn't get around to mastering the track. He played a cover of Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here'

My favourite Music Video/Research

All this looking through music video's for inspiration has made me become nostalgic for my old favourite. Although our lecturers probably wouldn't recognise it for it's lack of being innovative or experimental, I always loved the impact and simplicity of the video for Radiohead's 'Just', both for the perfomance and narrative (it was also filmed by my home in London). No post-modernism necessary, although a little hint of existentialist theory.

As for video's relevant to this term's project, I've been looking at video's directed by Michel Gondry, who's work ranges from visually unique (Kyle Minogue, 'Come Into My World'), creative and experimental (the White Stripes, 'Fell In Love With A Girl' - filmed as live action then recreated frame-for-frame with Lego) through to downright strange (Foo Fighters, 'Everlong'), all containing some of that classicly bizarre Gondry feel.

Another example of Gondry's video's relating to this project is the one for Daft Punk's 'Around the World', a carefully choreographed dance routine with seperate sets of dancers in costume representing each instrument, meaning the video is literally interpreting the sound that influences it.

Video Diary of my Summer travels

I finally got round to throwing together a Video Diary of last summer's hitchhiking through Spain (not a video of me obviously). We managed to spend over four weeks out there by spending about £330 including the flights, moving from Seville to Madrid to Guadalajara to Zaragoza, then to Pamplona for the Running of the Bulls (San Fermines) then finally to Barcelona by way of hitchhiking, a few busses, staying with some incredible strangers, sleeping in parks, fields and on benches, and even getting followed through a park at night by a man we named 'Murderer' and his friend.

The video's come out massive if I embed them, so here's a link:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Came across this article today, was not too impressed...